I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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