jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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