Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
