im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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