I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
