I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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