Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
