so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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