Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize