I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
