dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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