Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need to sanitize my soul.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
