wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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