My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
