So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
