Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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