I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
