She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
