Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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