Moan for me like Helen Keller
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
