You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i used baking grease as lip gloss
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
