I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
