my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
