I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
