Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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