Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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