it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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