as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your penis caused this!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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