she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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