I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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