Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
