My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize