Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
