I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
