halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
