are you still at the devil's house?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
