I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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