Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize