My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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