After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
