Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
