My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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