Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize