My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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