do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
