I'm drive I can fine osifer
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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