Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
