i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize