This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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