apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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