I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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