**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
honey bunches of taint.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
