I want to walk on stilts...naked
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
