I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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