I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
