I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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