Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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