Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
