wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
