I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
