I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When are your genitals available?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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