I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
