hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize